Friday, 18 July 2008
One in five Aussie women have admitted to having a sexual encounter in an internet chatroom,
One in five Aussie women have admitted to having a sexual encounter in an internet chatroom, reveals a new survey. Conducted by author Joan Sauers for her new book Sex Lives of Australian Women , the survey questioned nearly 2000 women from around the country. Sex is not just confined to bedroom anymore, for women have found their sex haven in the virtual world as well. The survey also revealed that more than 50 per cent women in Australia had sent or received a sexual text message and one in five have starred in their own sex tape. "As a society, we increasingly rely on technology to get the job done, whatever the job is. Have Australian women joined the cyber-sexual revolution?" News.com.au quoted Joan Sauers, as writing in the book. The results indicated that the most avid participants are women in their 20s (26 per cent) followed by those in their 50s (21 per cent). In fact, a large number of women said that they found net sex "liberating", "exciting", "guilt-free", empowering and safe, ensuring that there was no chance of STDS or pregnancy. However, there were others who described the experience as "empty", "unfulfilling", "demeaning", "tacky" and "pretty lame". But, Joan said that the number of women who had good experiences with chat room sex was twice more than those who had bad experiences. One of the aspects of cyber sex is the use of webcam, for many women use it either with their partner or with strangers. The survey also showed that young women are increasingly getting hooked to text sex using their mobile phones. While 70 per cent of women in their twenties had engaged in sexual SMS exchanges, the figure was 44 per cent for those in their forties and 34 per cent for women in their fifties. In the mean time, 22 per cent of women in their twenties and 20 per cent of women in their thirties had been filmed or taped having sex. While some enjoyed the experience, not many were thrilled on seeing the results. In fact, a lot of them said they didn't like seeing themselves on film because they looked "fat". "It was fine, but to tell you the truth...watching it again was hilarious...not erotic...my arse was NOT ever meant to be on a tape," responded a 33-year-old mother from Western Australia.
Thousands of British women courted by the legions of young foreign men in such tourist hotspots as Turkey, Egypt, Jamaica, the Gambia and Kenya.
This summer, thousands of these middle-aged, single women will pour off the planes, to be met by countless fit, athletic-looking dark-skinned young men who will casually approach them, saying: "What a beautiful lady you are. Can I help you find your hotel?"The handsome young waiter's eyes followed Sarah as she walked across the restaurant, and she felt her heart beating faster as he leaned over to place a napkin in her lap.
"At 54, I was unused to the attention of young men, especially a handsome one in his 20s," she says. "Our eyes connected as I told myself not to be silly - he couldn't possibly be interested in me. But I was wrong."
Sarah Jarvis is 59 and has four grown-up children and four grandchildren.
Attractive, slim and smartly dressed, she has been divorced from her lawyer husband for 15 years, and had resigned herself to a series of uninspiring dates with overweight, balding men of her own age at home in Chester.
But here, on holiday with a girlfriend in the Turkish resort of Dalaman, was the promise of something very different.
For Sarah was about to become one of the many thousands of British women courted by the legions of young foreign men in such tourist hotspots as Turkey, Egypt, Jamaica, the Gambia and Kenya.The chance of a harmless sexual fling, or something more sinister?Writer Jeannette Belliveau, a self-confessed former "sex tourist" and author of a book called Romance On The Road, says the problem is becoming endemic and that these women are deluding themselves about the dangers such flings present.
"The ultimate risk is death," she says, bluntly. "In the past two years three Western women have been killed for their money by their foreign 'toy boys'."
Some of these women tourists never went home after their holiday. Barbara Scott-Jones, 61, from Leeds fell in love with Jamaica and was building a home on the island when she was found dead earlier this year.
Labourer Omar Reid has been charged with her murder.
Police believe Barbara had been having an affair with the 30-year-old and had just ended, or was trying to end, the affair when she was killed.
The number of older women who form long-term relationships with holiday gigolos is growing year on year.Statistically, a third of all cross-cultural "marriages" end in divorce.Fifty-three-year-old Jeannette, from Surrey, divorced in her early 30s.
A few years later, despairing of the lack of dates in the UK, she began to travel the world and had numerous sexual encounters with young, foreign men.
Today, she is married to Lamont Harvey, a historian ten years her junior.
"The trouble is that for divorced or widowed women in their 40s, 50s and 60s, their male peers in the UK are either very unattractive or are looking to date much younger women."In countries such as the Gambia and Kenya, there is both a surplus of men and the fact that women there tend to marry men at least ten years older than themselves, which is the culture. So for 18-year-old and 20-plus men, there is no one to date."Poverty is rife. Then, over the past ten years, planeloads of mature single British women have started arriving, their handbags full of cash. They're fit, good-looking men and it didn't take them long to realise that there are rich pickings here."Sarah now realises how deluded she was during her Turkish fling. She began sleeping with Mohammed, a waiter, almost as soon as they met.
"The sex was amazing," she says. "Either Mohammed was a very good actor - which is more than possible - or he genuinely enjoyed going to bed with me.Pauline Collins played a bored housewife who fell in love with a Greek man on holiday in Shirley Valentine"Imagine what it was like for me, a fifty-something women who felt abandoned, unloved and on the shelf, thinking no man would ever find me attractive again. Here was a beautiful young man with the most incredible, fit body, begging me to go to bed with him."Even though alarm bells were ringing, I thought: 'Why not? What if I never get this opportunity again?'"He asked me to go for a walk with him when we were in the restaurant. My friend said 'You can't be serious', but I said: 'Why not?' And off we went. He kissed me and before I knew what was happening I was inviting him up to my hotel room."
At 54, Sarah had gone through the menopause and, deciding there was no risk of pregnancy, did not use a condom. "I can now see that this was extremely foolish, as I later discovered Mohammed had slept with hundreds of women," she says. "I could have picked up a sexually transmitted disease, not to mention the threat of Aids."
As they lay together, Mohammed told her he was 22. "For the rest of my holiday we spent most of the time in bed. It must have been awful for my friend, but I didn't care. I was on cloud nine.
"He would look into my eyes and cry, saying: 'I want to grow old with you, and I want to take care of you for the rest of my life.'
"When I left him at the airport he was in tears, making me promise to write every day and come back soon.
"As soon as I got home I phoned him. He mentioned that he needed some new shoes, and could I send a small amount of cash? Still besotted and with the memory of so much happiness, I sent him money.
"Gradually, the requests began to multiply. Could I send him the money for a DVD player, as he did not have one? Whenever alarm bells began to ring and I sounded a bit short with him, he made me promise to fly out and see him.
"Within that year, I flew back to Turkey four times, spending a fortune not only on plane tickets, but on gifts for him."
Meanwhile, back in the UK, her children were highly dubious of mum's new 'boyfriend'. "I didn't dare tell them how young he was, and played down the fact that he was a waiter," she says.
"I said he was in his 30s and ran his own business. They were saying: 'Look, Mum, this guy is clearly a conman.' I told them not to interfere, that I knew what I was doing."
As they lay together in Sarah's hotel bedroom Mohammed poured out all his financial woes: he was responsible for his elderly parents and was the only bread-winner in the family. "He made me feel guilty if I questioned his constant need for money," she says.
For the next three years, Sarah flew to Turkey five times a year. Not only did she give Mohammed thousands of pounds, she also flew him on holiday to Istanbul and the coastal resort of Marmaris.
"Sometimes we'd be walking down the street, hand in hand, and other British tourists would look at us askance," says Sarah. "But I was very defiant - they didn't realise that this was a real relationship, that we were in love."
Sex tourism by British women is not a new phenomenon. As far back as the 1890s, there are recorded incidents of single British women becoming involved with dark-skinned Italian and French men on their cultural 'tours' of Europe.
During the British Raj, it was not unknown for English matrons to fall prey to the darkeyed charms of young Indian men.
But in the past two decades, the phenomenon has escalated. Author Jeannette says that since the 1990s, hundreds of thousands of western women have had affairs with much younger foreign men.
"These are respectable middleclass women. Not all of them are unwitting victims to these sexual conmen," she says. "I have spoken to many women who fly to the Gambia or Jamaica specifically for the purpose of recreational sex."
Indeed, some British women are utterly shameless about it.
Nicky Jardine, 50, who has two adult daughters and runs her own headhunting business in Guildford, Surrey, goes on holidays with the intention of having sex with young foreigners.
"I see nothing wrong in being a sex tourist," she says. "My working life is very stressful. Holidays are a time when I can have fun. I have dated men here, but men my age want younger women, and they are also boring. Compare them to a fit, tanned 20-year-old Egyptian!"
Nicky first had sex on a holiday four years ago. She says: "I went on my own to Egypt. I didn't go looking for sex, but on the first day I became aware I was being eyed up by a very handsome young Egyptian who worked in the hotel complex.
"I told myself not to be silly, but then he approached me and told me I was beautiful." Nicky invited him to her room.
"It was amazing," she says. "Maybe he'd targeted lots of British women before - who cares? I wasn't looking for a long-term romance.
"Of course, you have to realise that these people might be living in poverty. You could be robbed, or even kidnapped. But I felt quite safe when I was with him."
Now she is settled into a pattern of wild holiday flings totally at odds with her respectable image. Indeed, many would argue that her insouciance about such promiscuity is rather demeaning.
Last year, Nicky enjoyed a Caribbean cruise. "A young crew member made advances," she smiles. "We had the most amazing times in my cabin. I'd taken my mum with me, and she knew what was going on. In fact, she said: 'I wish I was 50 again!'"
"I totally understand why more and more British single women like me are going on holiday looking for sex. It's the easiest thing in the world to pick up a young, handsome guy who will tell you are beautiful and make passionate love to you. All it takes is a bit of cash for presents, and I have plenty of that."I always practise safe sex, so no one gets hurt. But I would tell women to be careful. Always use a condom and don't go off with these men. They are strangers, after all."
Five years on and Sarah Jarvis no longer looks back on her holiday romance with rose-tinted glasses. "I must have spent more than £20,000 on Mohammed," she says. "On my final trip last year, I rang his mobile as usual when I arrived at the airport. There was no reply.
"I drove to the hotel where he worked as a waiter, and stormed into his tiny room. He was in bed with an elderly, white woman - like me. He rang me, sobbing, saying it was all a mistake and he loved me."Later I marched up to the woman in the hotel dining room and asked her, very calmly, what she thought she was doing. She looked at me in surprise. 'But he's my boyfriend,' she said. 'We are in love, and I have been flying backwards and forwards from the UK to see him.
"I told her I had, too. She said she had promised Mohammed she would leave her husband and marry him. I said she was a fool."
Sarah then told Mohammed that his lies had been exposed and ended the relationship. "Speaking to some of the hotel staff, I found out Mohammed had at least 40 white girlfriends," she says. "It must have been a real juggling act making sure we didn't all arrive at the same time. Goodness knows how much money he was making out of us all.
"I know people will think: 'How could you be so stupid?' But you have to realise just how seductive it is, if you feel fat, old and ugly, to have a beautiful young man saying he cannot live without you and making love to you as if you were a stunning creature."
But Sarah adds: "More than anything, I want to send out a warning to all the British women planning a holiday romance this summer: don't do it!
"It will cost you thousands of pounds, and you will end up feeling ridiculous and despised. These are practised conmen - they don't think you are beautiful; they laugh at you behind your backs."
Jeannette agrees. "Wise up," she says. "At the very least you will be fleeced out of hundreds, maybe thousands of pounds. In Kenya and Africa generally, Aids is endemic and you are putting yourself at serious risk.
"Some of these guys are so poor they have nothing to lose, and they may turn violent. If you go off alone with them and change your mind, they may well rape you anyway.
"I know I have been guilty of sex tourism in the past, but there is no way I would take those risks now, knowing what I know."
SEX and socialising are becoming a yawn for Australian women, with new research showing they are in the grip of a fatigue phenomenon.
SEX and socialising are becoming a yawn for Australian women, with new research showing they are in the grip of a fatigue phenomenon.More than 80 per cent of women say they are worn out, and exhaustion is taking a toll not only on their love and social lives, but also making them grumpy, clumsy and absent-minded. The Newspoll survey found 57 per cent of women were too tired for sex and 64 per cent were so drained they didn't feel attractive. Tiredness made 79 per cent irritable, 75 per cent impatient and 65 per cent angry. Most worn-out women also admitted losing things such as keys, bumping into things and tripping over. The survey found fatigue did not discriminate between stay-at-home mums and full-time workers. Burwood East midwife Karen Taylor, 35, juggles motherhood and part-time shift work. "I think I have been tired since 1995," she said. "Even when you get a day off work you pack everything else in, like helping out at school with reading or kinder duty."
A typical day for Ms Taylor begins at 6am, or earlier when she's working morning shift, and ends when she falls into bed by 9.30pm. In between, she's often packed off Nathan, 6, to school, Jack, 4, to kinder or her parents' house, done grocery shopping and housework, made dinner and got the boys cleaned and into bed. She said husband Alan was an enormous help, particularly when she worked at Monash Medical Centre managing seven midwives in the busy maternity ward. Most of the 1036 women surveyed put their tiredness down to hectic lifestyles, but doctors said medical factors might also be at play. "There are so many different reasons: anxiety, stress, paying off the mortgage, looking after kids, trying to hold down two jobs at the same time," hematologist Dr James Biggs said.
"As well as that, there are a number of medical conditions like viral infections, hormonal disturbances particularly of the thyroid gland, and iron deficiency."
Dr Biggs said up to 20 per cent of women aged 18 to 50 were thought to be iron deficient.
A typical day for Ms Taylor begins at 6am, or earlier when she's working morning shift, and ends when she falls into bed by 9.30pm. In between, she's often packed off Nathan, 6, to school, Jack, 4, to kinder or her parents' house, done grocery shopping and housework, made dinner and got the boys cleaned and into bed. She said husband Alan was an enormous help, particularly when she worked at Monash Medical Centre managing seven midwives in the busy maternity ward. Most of the 1036 women surveyed put their tiredness down to hectic lifestyles, but doctors said medical factors might also be at play. "There are so many different reasons: anxiety, stress, paying off the mortgage, looking after kids, trying to hold down two jobs at the same time," hematologist Dr James Biggs said.
"As well as that, there are a number of medical conditions like viral infections, hormonal disturbances particularly of the thyroid gland, and iron deficiency."
Dr Biggs said up to 20 per cent of women aged 18 to 50 were thought to be iron deficient.
Pc Andrew Burt was allowed to retire on a full pension after being convicted of indecently assaulting three women.
Pc Andrew Burt was allowed to retire on a full pension after being convicted of indecently assaulting three women. One of his victims, grandmother Alison McFarlane, 60, said Burt had been rewarded for his crimes. Labour community safety spokesman Paul Martin MSP called for Burt's pension to be cut by the maximum 65%.
Married Burt, 50, would have lost his entire pension if he had been sacked by Lothian and Borders Police after being found guilty last October of assaulting the women at Cockenzie and Port Seton bowling club in East Lothian.
I am angry that he has been allowed to be rewarded with a full pension after his misdemeanour Alison McFarlane He had denied the charges against him, claiming he had been too drunk to remember what happened. The constable was suspended from his duties after being sentenced to 150 hours community service and three' years probation. He was also placed on the Sex Offenders' Register. But he retired last month while an internal police investigation into his conduct was still ongoing.
He has claimed his full pension for 30-years service with the police, which is understood to amount to about £16,000 every year. Mrs McFarlane said she and the other two female victims, a 21-year-old who was slapped on the bottom by Burt, and her 44-year-old mother who he grabbed between the legs, had been "let down" by the force. Disgraced officersShe added: "I am angry that he has been allowed to be rewarded with a full pension after his misdemeanour. For him to try and fondle my breast is very degrading. "How come, when he was found guilty in court, and the police lawyer was there, did it take them five months for this to come round"He was allowed to retire but he should have been sacked after the verdict. I do think something should have been done and I don't think he should be allowed to keep that money. "They say crime doesn't pay but it certainly has for Andrew Burt."
Mr Martin said he had written to Justice Secretary Kenny MacAskill to ask for measures to be put in place to prevent disgraced officers retiring before they are sacked. The sanction against pensions should be investigated as a disciplinary measure in this instance
"We have the right to expect the best possible standards from police officers both when they are on and off duty," Mr Martin said. "Most of the time we get that from them, but the sanction against pensions should be investigated as a disciplinary measure in this instance." A Dumfries and Galloway police inspector had his pension cut by 65%, the maximum amount allowed, by the local police board after retiring following his conviction for raping two women while on duty. A spokesman for Lothian and Borders Police confirmed that Burt was no longer serving with the force.
The spokesman said disciplinary procedures could only be taken against officers after the conclusion of any court proceedings.
The Scottish Police Federation said no-one could defend what Burt had done but added that any officer who had completed 30-years of service was entitled to their police pension. The Scottish Government said it did not comment on individual cases but a spokesman said a review was ongoing into all police conduct regulations.
Married Burt, 50, would have lost his entire pension if he had been sacked by Lothian and Borders Police after being found guilty last October of assaulting the women at Cockenzie and Port Seton bowling club in East Lothian.
I am angry that he has been allowed to be rewarded with a full pension after his misdemeanour Alison McFarlane He had denied the charges against him, claiming he had been too drunk to remember what happened. The constable was suspended from his duties after being sentenced to 150 hours community service and three' years probation. He was also placed on the Sex Offenders' Register. But he retired last month while an internal police investigation into his conduct was still ongoing.
He has claimed his full pension for 30-years service with the police, which is understood to amount to about £16,000 every year. Mrs McFarlane said she and the other two female victims, a 21-year-old who was slapped on the bottom by Burt, and her 44-year-old mother who he grabbed between the legs, had been "let down" by the force. Disgraced officersShe added: "I am angry that he has been allowed to be rewarded with a full pension after his misdemeanour. For him to try and fondle my breast is very degrading. "How come, when he was found guilty in court, and the police lawyer was there, did it take them five months for this to come round"He was allowed to retire but he should have been sacked after the verdict. I do think something should have been done and I don't think he should be allowed to keep that money. "They say crime doesn't pay but it certainly has for Andrew Burt."
Mr Martin said he had written to Justice Secretary Kenny MacAskill to ask for measures to be put in place to prevent disgraced officers retiring before they are sacked. The sanction against pensions should be investigated as a disciplinary measure in this instance
"We have the right to expect the best possible standards from police officers both when they are on and off duty," Mr Martin said. "Most of the time we get that from them, but the sanction against pensions should be investigated as a disciplinary measure in this instance." A Dumfries and Galloway police inspector had his pension cut by 65%, the maximum amount allowed, by the local police board after retiring following his conviction for raping two women while on duty. A spokesman for Lothian and Borders Police confirmed that Burt was no longer serving with the force.
The spokesman said disciplinary procedures could only be taken against officers after the conclusion of any court proceedings.
The Scottish Police Federation said no-one could defend what Burt had done but added that any officer who had completed 30-years of service was entitled to their police pension. The Scottish Government said it did not comment on individual cases but a spokesman said a review was ongoing into all police conduct regulations.
Billy Crystal once said that "Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place."
Billy Crystal once said that "Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place." Although this may be a slight exaggeration, one cannot deny that attitudes towards sex differ hugely between the two sexes. How many people have you slept with? It's a risky question, isn't it? Especially for us ladies. It seems that while men boast about their conquests, we cower into a corner.GQ magazine recently warned its male readers that women sleep with ex-partners to avoid their number of sexual conquests going up. Is this true? Can you relate to this?Flair went on the road to find out.Charlie, a secretary in her late 20s, smiles at the suggestion. "I think girls would go back to an ex more for the safety angle than fear of topping up the conquest count. You know what you're going home to, you know they're not going to attack you and you know that they've seen you naked before so you don't have to ask them to turn the lights out before you take your clothes off!" A sense of the familiar seems to be a common theme among the girls interviewed. "It's so much easier going back to someone who you're already comfortable with. But you need to make sure that they know it's not a start to getting back together if that is not what you want," says Frances, a bank clerk in her mid-20s.
Grace, a school teacher, agrees; "I wouldn't say it was so my numbers don't go up, rather just because it's familiar, I guess ... although if you are having sex with your ex, it's probably a sign that you still like them with a little piece of your heart ..."This is an important point. Whether you are sleeping with your ex to avoid adding more notches to the bedpost or for a sense of what you know, it can be a risky business and emotions can run high. He may have a new girlfriend, in which case, he is cheating on her and you or you could start to have feelings for him again. Remember, there was a reason you split up. Jenny, an office assistant, asks an interesting question: "Should we always depend on what we know? A lot of times, having sex with an ex can complicate things or put you into a false sense of security. Is it really going to move you forward or just push you back?"
For Lia, GQ magazine got it right. "Of course girls do. It's ridiculous but it's still a social stigma for women to have slept with lots of guys. I have, and know many other girls that have slept with their ex's for precisely that reason."
Marciaagrees, "I have done it before so as not to add to my total number. I think that there are other reasons that have more strength in the decision of sleeping with an ex but it certainly is another aspect of the appeal, for me, anyway."
Grace, a school teacher, agrees; "I wouldn't say it was so my numbers don't go up, rather just because it's familiar, I guess ... although if you are having sex with your ex, it's probably a sign that you still like them with a little piece of your heart ..."This is an important point. Whether you are sleeping with your ex to avoid adding more notches to the bedpost or for a sense of what you know, it can be a risky business and emotions can run high. He may have a new girlfriend, in which case, he is cheating on her and you or you could start to have feelings for him again. Remember, there was a reason you split up. Jenny, an office assistant, asks an interesting question: "Should we always depend on what we know? A lot of times, having sex with an ex can complicate things or put you into a false sense of security. Is it really going to move you forward or just push you back?"
For Lia, GQ magazine got it right. "Of course girls do. It's ridiculous but it's still a social stigma for women to have slept with lots of guys. I have, and know many other girls that have slept with their ex's for precisely that reason."
Marciaagrees, "I have done it before so as not to add to my total number. I think that there are other reasons that have more strength in the decision of sleeping with an ex but it certainly is another aspect of the appeal, for me, anyway."
dwindling sex-drive puts pressure on a relationship
A dwindling sex-drive puts pressure on a relationship So much for man being an anytime, any place, anywhere creature - more and more relationships are now under strain because he's the one feigning a headache, while the wife is starved of sex. How did it come to this, asks Anna Moore Cath Bentley still remembers the first sign that her husband had lost his sex drive. She remembers where they were, when it was and how she felt - though at the time Cath had no idea it was anything more than temporary, no inkling it would lead to their separation.
'We were in Spain, staying with my parents, and I was three months pregnant,' says Cath, 35, a full-time mother of three. 'It was hot, we were relaxed, but when I initiated sex I could tell Jim wasn't interested. It was like he wasn't enjoying it, like he was making an effort. At first I thought it was because my parents were there - but it hadn't bothered him before.'When Cath asked what was wrong Jim said he was uncomfortable making love while Cath was pregnant. 'I felt a jolt, a bit rejected, but I reasoned he was being extra-paternal, extra-protective.'
Sex stopped completely for the rest of the pregnancy. 'I didn't mind because I got quite ill and tired,' says Cath, 'but it was a change. We'd been married 12 years, and in all that time our sex life had been very active, one of the most important parts of our relationship. 'We'd lived quite a hedonistic lifestyle and, though the pregnancy was planned, we pretty much went from sex, drugs and rock'n'roll to a life that revolved around twin babies and nothing else.' When Cath and the boys came home from hospital Jim moved into the guest room, as new fathers often do, to get enough sleep for work.'After about two months I went into his room one night and he basically said no,' recalls Cath. From that point on Jim worked hard in a stressful sales job and was a dutiful dad, taking the boys out every Sunday to give Cath a break and getting home each evening at 7pm to take over. 'But he never came near me, or made any signs that he wanted sex,' says Cath. 'And when I tried to talk about it he wouldn't.'Loss of libido isn't a problem we associate with men. According to stereotype, if men have a sexual problem, it's that they can't get enough, while women are the ones who invent headaches and feign sleep. In fact, this isn't true. A sex-therapy study by Relate found that, for half of the couples who attended counselling, the problem involved the man - most commonly lack of desire or erectile dysfunction.Nina Bryant, a Relate psychosexual therapist with 18 years' experience, has found it increasingly common. 'When I started in this field it was rare for a man to report a lack of interest in sex,' she says. 'Now, it makes about a third of my case-load.'There could be many reasons for this. Perhaps we are better at talking about it - the caring, sharing New Man feels more comfortable coming forward. But there is also a feeling among professionals that we are expecting more of ourselves, and men, like women, are feeling the pressure.
'We want a lot from men these days,' says the sex and relationship psychologist Petra Boynton. 'They're meant to be not only breadwinners, but also doting, hands-on dads who deliver mind-blowing orgasms. 'Men are expected to want sex from puberty to death but, in reality, a man's sex drive can fluctuate for all the reasons a woman's can. It could be that he's stressed, unhappy, tired or under pressure at work.'
Gina Ogden, a clinical sex therapist with 25 years' experience and the author of Women Who Love Sex, agrees. 'We call it men's "sex drive" as if they're cars with a certain number of pistons thrusting them forward at all times. Actually, it's about desire, expectation and emotion, and naturally that can ebb, flow and sometimes plummet.'
'We were in Spain, staying with my parents, and I was three months pregnant,' says Cath, 35, a full-time mother of three. 'It was hot, we were relaxed, but when I initiated sex I could tell Jim wasn't interested. It was like he wasn't enjoying it, like he was making an effort. At first I thought it was because my parents were there - but it hadn't bothered him before.'When Cath asked what was wrong Jim said he was uncomfortable making love while Cath was pregnant. 'I felt a jolt, a bit rejected, but I reasoned he was being extra-paternal, extra-protective.'
Sex stopped completely for the rest of the pregnancy. 'I didn't mind because I got quite ill and tired,' says Cath, 'but it was a change. We'd been married 12 years, and in all that time our sex life had been very active, one of the most important parts of our relationship. 'We'd lived quite a hedonistic lifestyle and, though the pregnancy was planned, we pretty much went from sex, drugs and rock'n'roll to a life that revolved around twin babies and nothing else.' When Cath and the boys came home from hospital Jim moved into the guest room, as new fathers often do, to get enough sleep for work.'After about two months I went into his room one night and he basically said no,' recalls Cath. From that point on Jim worked hard in a stressful sales job and was a dutiful dad, taking the boys out every Sunday to give Cath a break and getting home each evening at 7pm to take over. 'But he never came near me, or made any signs that he wanted sex,' says Cath. 'And when I tried to talk about it he wouldn't.'Loss of libido isn't a problem we associate with men. According to stereotype, if men have a sexual problem, it's that they can't get enough, while women are the ones who invent headaches and feign sleep. In fact, this isn't true. A sex-therapy study by Relate found that, for half of the couples who attended counselling, the problem involved the man - most commonly lack of desire or erectile dysfunction.Nina Bryant, a Relate psychosexual therapist with 18 years' experience, has found it increasingly common. 'When I started in this field it was rare for a man to report a lack of interest in sex,' she says. 'Now, it makes about a third of my case-load.'There could be many reasons for this. Perhaps we are better at talking about it - the caring, sharing New Man feels more comfortable coming forward. But there is also a feeling among professionals that we are expecting more of ourselves, and men, like women, are feeling the pressure.
'We want a lot from men these days,' says the sex and relationship psychologist Petra Boynton. 'They're meant to be not only breadwinners, but also doting, hands-on dads who deliver mind-blowing orgasms. 'Men are expected to want sex from puberty to death but, in reality, a man's sex drive can fluctuate for all the reasons a woman's can. It could be that he's stressed, unhappy, tired or under pressure at work.'
Gina Ogden, a clinical sex therapist with 25 years' experience and the author of Women Who Love Sex, agrees. 'We call it men's "sex drive" as if they're cars with a certain number of pistons thrusting them forward at all times. Actually, it's about desire, expectation and emotion, and naturally that can ebb, flow and sometimes plummet.'
people can tell in an instant whether someone fancies a quick fling or a life of commitment.
PASSION: The face on the right is pure lust
people can tell in an instant whether someone fancies a quick fling or a life of commitment.But as these computer-enhanced pictures show, the differences are so subtle that sometimes we might not even be aware of them.
According to the experts, if you strike up a conversation with the man or woman on the right you could end up in bed for a no-strings-attached one-night stand and never see each other again.But fall into conversation with one of the other pair and you are more likely to spend the rest of your lives together.A study of 700 heterosexuals found that men were generally attracted to women who they think are open to easy sex. But women revealed they were usually interested in men as long-term partners.Volunteers working with scientists from Durham, St Andrews and Aberdeen universities were asked to assess photographs to decide what they thought was the model’s attitude towards sex. The results were then compared with the models’ actual attitudes.Just from the photographs, up to 72 per cent made fairly accurate guesses about who would be more interested in quick sex.
The study found that women open to one-night stands were usually seen as more attractive, while men most ready for casual sex were perceived by women as being more masculine-looking, with facial features including a squarer jaw, larger nose and smaller eyes.
people can tell in an instant whether someone fancies a quick fling or a life of commitment.But as these computer-enhanced pictures show, the differences are so subtle that sometimes we might not even be aware of them.
According to the experts, if you strike up a conversation with the man or woman on the right you could end up in bed for a no-strings-attached one-night stand and never see each other again.But fall into conversation with one of the other pair and you are more likely to spend the rest of your lives together.A study of 700 heterosexuals found that men were generally attracted to women who they think are open to easy sex. But women revealed they were usually interested in men as long-term partners.Volunteers working with scientists from Durham, St Andrews and Aberdeen universities were asked to assess photographs to decide what they thought was the model’s attitude towards sex. The results were then compared with the models’ actual attitudes.Just from the photographs, up to 72 per cent made fairly accurate guesses about who would be more interested in quick sex.
The study found that women open to one-night stands were usually seen as more attractive, while men most ready for casual sex were perceived by women as being more masculine-looking, with facial features including a squarer jaw, larger nose and smaller eyes.
All the subtlety of a well-prepared chat-up line can be ruined by a man’s face, which speaks louder than any words to reveal his sexual intentions.
All the subtlety of a well-prepared chat-up line can be ruined by a man’s face, which speaks louder than any words to reveal his sexual intentions. A woman can tell at a glance if the man approaching to woo her is merely after her body or wants a more meaningful relationship, a study indicates. One look at the hopeful man’s face can be enough to provide her with all the clues she needs to decide if marriage or a one-night stand is the most likely end result. Clues to the man’s intentions include the shape of his jaw, the size of his nose and the shape of his eyes, researchers have found. Present her with a square jaw, small eyes and a large nose, the trademarks of masculinity, and she will know instinctively that she is dealing with a man more interested in short-term gratification than commitment. She is more likely to respond favourably to softer, slightly more feminine features than the epitome of masculinity, which she associates with a lack of commitment. Equally, a man can tell, though with less success, whether a woman is likely to have a relaxed attitude to sex or holds more traditional views. But he has no hope of telling from the first inspection of the woman’s facial features whether it is he who is likely to get lucky or if she will smile upon another man’s advances.
The findings, which are reported in the journal Evolution and Human Behavior , were based on the responses of 700 men and women who were shown pictures of people in their early twenties and composite pictures. The composite pictures were deliberately created to be a representation of the average faces of men and women who displayed willingness to indulge in casual sex and those who preferred to be in a more lasting relationship. Researchers found that instant perceptions not only had a role in people’s selection of partners, but that their interpretation of faces was more often right than wrong when determining the attitude towards one-night stands.
Lynda Boothroyd, of Durham University and the lead author of the study, said the findings suggested that it was possible to judge someone’s sexual strategy simply from looking at their face. “Preferences for different types of face were actually quite strong,” she said. “This shows that these initial impressions may be part of how we assess potential mates — or potential rivals — when we first meet them.”
The ability of women to pick out the masculine types who only wanted to stay the night is thought to help them decide which of their suitors should be permitted to father their children.
“Observers are broadly able to identify individuals who are more likely to be interested in short or long-term relationships,” the researchers concluded. “This information may be used by women to avoid men who are less likely to engage in a long-term relationship.” Ben Jones, of the University of Aberdeen, said it had been found previously that much can be judged from someone’s face, such as health and elements of character, but the new study was the first to show that romantic nature can be read in the face. “This really is the first study to show that people are also sensitive to subtle facial signals about the type of romantic relationships that others might enjoy,” he said.
Men with masculine faces fared worst because women identified them as the most likely to be unfaithful and to make bad parents. The women whose faces were seen as the most attractive were those most likely to be willing to have casual sex. The women were also recognised by the female volunteers as the most beautiful.
Researchers remained puzzled as to why the women most likely to settle for a one-night stand were judged to be the most attractive. It was suggested that the lack of effort required on the part of men compensated for “any costs from long-term relationship breakdown”.
The findings, which are reported in the journal Evolution and Human Behavior , were based on the responses of 700 men and women who were shown pictures of people in their early twenties and composite pictures. The composite pictures were deliberately created to be a representation of the average faces of men and women who displayed willingness to indulge in casual sex and those who preferred to be in a more lasting relationship. Researchers found that instant perceptions not only had a role in people’s selection of partners, but that their interpretation of faces was more often right than wrong when determining the attitude towards one-night stands.
Lynda Boothroyd, of Durham University and the lead author of the study, said the findings suggested that it was possible to judge someone’s sexual strategy simply from looking at their face. “Preferences for different types of face were actually quite strong,” she said. “This shows that these initial impressions may be part of how we assess potential mates — or potential rivals — when we first meet them.”
The ability of women to pick out the masculine types who only wanted to stay the night is thought to help them decide which of their suitors should be permitted to father their children.
“Observers are broadly able to identify individuals who are more likely to be interested in short or long-term relationships,” the researchers concluded. “This information may be used by women to avoid men who are less likely to engage in a long-term relationship.” Ben Jones, of the University of Aberdeen, said it had been found previously that much can be judged from someone’s face, such as health and elements of character, but the new study was the first to show that romantic nature can be read in the face. “This really is the first study to show that people are also sensitive to subtle facial signals about the type of romantic relationships that others might enjoy,” he said.
Men with masculine faces fared worst because women identified them as the most likely to be unfaithful and to make bad parents. The women whose faces were seen as the most attractive were those most likely to be willing to have casual sex. The women were also recognised by the female volunteers as the most beautiful.
Researchers remained puzzled as to why the women most likely to settle for a one-night stand were judged to be the most attractive. It was suggested that the lack of effort required on the part of men compensated for “any costs from long-term relationship breakdown”.
Honey’s Topless Club
Three women were arrested Sunday during an undercover prostitution investigation at Honey’s Topless Club in south Everett, the Snohomish County Sheriff’s Office announced this morning.Sheriff’s detectives were looking for any employees who were selling sex for money.Undercover detectives reportedly identified three women who were engaged in prostitution, sheriff’s spokeswoman Rebecca Hover said. Investigators also determined that the manager was allowing violations of the county’s adult entertainment dance ordinance at the bar, she said.
Two women, both 19, were arrested for investigation of prostitution.
The manager, 52, of Marysville, was arrested for investigation of violating the county ordinance. All three women were booked into the Snohomish County Jail.
Two women, both 19, were arrested for investigation of prostitution.
The manager, 52, of Marysville, was arrested for investigation of violating the county ordinance. All three women were booked into the Snohomish County Jail.
THAI women's foundation has issued a warning that drinking instant coffee or orange juice might lead to instant sexual arousal.
THAI women's foundation has issued a warning that drinking instant coffee or orange juice might lead to instant sexual arousal. Have your say!Add your comments or read what others are saying
The Pavena Hongsakula Foundation for Women and Children issued the warning after hearing several accounts of young women losing their virtue after accepting potentially spiked instant beverages from men, the Bangkok Post reported today.
One young woman, nicknamed Bee, told the foundation that a man she first met over the internet and then in person at his house offered her a cup of instant coffee he said was a new formula health drink.
"Bee drank the coffee and shortly afterward felt a surge of arousal and an instant desire for sex,'' said Pavena Hongsakula, who leads the foundation.
Bee slept with the man but her sudden loss of control raised her suspicions about what was in the instant coffee. She approached the foundation about issuing a warning to other women.Pavena said her foundation had heard similar complaints about instant aphrodisiacs, including one from a bar hostess who was offered a cup of coffee from a patron and then felt a "sudden, unstoppable sexual excitement'' that led her to have sex with the customer. Besides issuing a warning to the public, the foundation has launched a search for the beverages to discover what ingredients they contained.
The Pavena Hongsakula Foundation for Women and Children issued the warning after hearing several accounts of young women losing their virtue after accepting potentially spiked instant beverages from men, the Bangkok Post reported today.
One young woman, nicknamed Bee, told the foundation that a man she first met over the internet and then in person at his house offered her a cup of instant coffee he said was a new formula health drink.
"Bee drank the coffee and shortly afterward felt a surge of arousal and an instant desire for sex,'' said Pavena Hongsakula, who leads the foundation.
Bee slept with the man but her sudden loss of control raised her suspicions about what was in the instant coffee. She approached the foundation about issuing a warning to other women.Pavena said her foundation had heard similar complaints about instant aphrodisiacs, including one from a bar hostess who was offered a cup of coffee from a patron and then felt a "sudden, unstoppable sexual excitement'' that led her to have sex with the customer. Besides issuing a warning to the public, the foundation has launched a search for the beverages to discover what ingredients they contained.
It was the best three minutes of my life
It was the best three minutes of my life" is not a sentence that one would normally associate with a conversation about sex.
However, the mainstream media is attempting to tell audiences that this might be all the time needed to satisfy a partner, after survey results on good sexual intercourse were released.The survey – done by researchers at Penn State, Erie – was of 50 full members of the Society for Sex Therapy and Research, which includes psychologists, physicians, social workers, marriage/family therapists and nurses.The survey found that sex between one and two minutes was "too short," "adequate" sex lasted from three to seven minutes, "desirable" sex lasted from seven to 13 minutes and sex that lasted 13 to 30 minutes was "too long."
Unfortunately, the Associated Press story, which has been reprinted across the globe, lumps these findings into the general statement that "the optimal amount of time for sexual intercourse was three to 13 minutes."There's a huge difference between adequate sex and mind-blowing, toe-curling optimal sex.
A quick Internet search for the survey reveals misleading headlines like: "Best sex lasts just minutes, survey says" and "Best sex is short and sweet."Not true.
The survey's questions were not gender-specific. The survey asked about sexual intercourse from time of penis-to-vagina penetration to male ejaculation. There's no mention of female orgasms anywhere.For women taking the survey, did "desirable" mean sex that's desirable given the fact that upward of 50 to 60 percent of women cannot achieve orgasm from penetration alone? Or did it really mean the type of sex that women secretly desire but feel they cannot realistically obtain?
The survey doesn't say.While the lead researcher Eric Corty, an associate professor of psychology, has admirable goals – to "dispel such fantasies and encourage men and women with realistic data about acceptable sexual intercourse, thus preventing sexual disappointments and dysfunctions" – the mainstream coverage on the survey may have negative implications for women who like to enjoy sexual intercourse to its fullest extent.
Newspapers across the world are pouncing on the idea that there is nothing wrong with the "wham, bam, thank you m'am" philosophy traditionally attributed to males.
It's a terrible sentiment.
Opinions on the average length of time it takes a woman to achieve orgasm are as varied as the positions within the "Kama Sutra." Some studies and articles claim four minutes, others upward of 27.
One thing is consistent. Women require a longer amount of time to reach orgasm, usually at least double the time it takes for a man.
However, the mainstream media is attempting to tell audiences that this might be all the time needed to satisfy a partner, after survey results on good sexual intercourse were released.The survey – done by researchers at Penn State, Erie – was of 50 full members of the Society for Sex Therapy and Research, which includes psychologists, physicians, social workers, marriage/family therapists and nurses.The survey found that sex between one and two minutes was "too short," "adequate" sex lasted from three to seven minutes, "desirable" sex lasted from seven to 13 minutes and sex that lasted 13 to 30 minutes was "too long."
Unfortunately, the Associated Press story, which has been reprinted across the globe, lumps these findings into the general statement that "the optimal amount of time for sexual intercourse was three to 13 minutes."There's a huge difference between adequate sex and mind-blowing, toe-curling optimal sex.
A quick Internet search for the survey reveals misleading headlines like: "Best sex lasts just minutes, survey says" and "Best sex is short and sweet."Not true.
The survey's questions were not gender-specific. The survey asked about sexual intercourse from time of penis-to-vagina penetration to male ejaculation. There's no mention of female orgasms anywhere.For women taking the survey, did "desirable" mean sex that's desirable given the fact that upward of 50 to 60 percent of women cannot achieve orgasm from penetration alone? Or did it really mean the type of sex that women secretly desire but feel they cannot realistically obtain?
The survey doesn't say.While the lead researcher Eric Corty, an associate professor of psychology, has admirable goals – to "dispel such fantasies and encourage men and women with realistic data about acceptable sexual intercourse, thus preventing sexual disappointments and dysfunctions" – the mainstream coverage on the survey may have negative implications for women who like to enjoy sexual intercourse to its fullest extent.
Newspapers across the world are pouncing on the idea that there is nothing wrong with the "wham, bam, thank you m'am" philosophy traditionally attributed to males.
It's a terrible sentiment.
Opinions on the average length of time it takes a woman to achieve orgasm are as varied as the positions within the "Kama Sutra." Some studies and articles claim four minutes, others upward of 27.
One thing is consistent. Women require a longer amount of time to reach orgasm, usually at least double the time it takes for a man.
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