Thursday 28 June 2012

Risks in Loving Men Who Can’t Commit


Commitment phobic men are not wounded birds waiting to be nursed to health.





Should women spend time, energy, and emotion on a man who may never be a part of their future? All too often women say to themselves or their friends: “Well, he wouldn’t commit in the past, but I’m different. I have more patience than the other women he dated, and I am more understanding than most women. I can help him.”



If you have heard yourself saying the words “I can help him,” think of yourself as being trapped in the “wounded bird syndrome” in which your desire to nurse someone back to health is so strong that it clouds your logical thinking.

Before getting too involved with a commitment phobic man consider asking yourself these Questions to Finding New Love and Marriage. And then make a conscious effort to understand what is most important to you. Virtues Enhance Falling in Love Forever. Also watch his body language and his actions towards you. If you are jumping through hoops for the commitment phobic man and thinking you can nurse him back to love – think again. Many commitment phobic men are reliving a dysfunctional family role (in fact, some women are in this trap as well.)

Self-compassion consists of three components:

Self-kindness: Being kind, gentle and understanding with yourself when you’re suffering.
Common humanity: Realizing that you’re not alone in your struggles. When we’re struggling, we tend to feel especially isolated. We think we’re the only ones to experience loss, make mistakes, feel rejected or fail. But it’s these very struggles that are part of our shared experience as humans.
Mindfulness: Observing life as it is, without being judgemental or suppressing your thoughts and feelings.

I know I’ve been in sick relationships, but I don’t know what a healthyrelationship looks like.



In the years I've been counselling and coaching, many people say, “I know I've been in sick relationships, but I don’t know what a healthy relationship looks like.”

There are many long and complicated answers to this, but there is also a simple one: healthy relationships make your life larger and happier; unhealthy relationships narrow your life and make you crazy.

Healthy relationships do not include mind games, mixed messages, or control. There is not a back and forth or continual make-up and breakup, or “I'm sorry, please forgive me” every week or so.



In healthy relationships, there is a partnership and a nurturing by both parties of that partnership. At the same time, each person recognizes the need to have interests and time away from their partner to nurture themselves. They don’t need to have the same interests, but rather the same view of life. Healthy love is about taking care of yourself and taking care of your mate… and those things are in balance to the point where they seldom collide.
What is Real Love?

Healthy people lead to healthy relationships and healthy relationships lead to real love.

Real love does not seek another person to fill up what we are lacking. It takes a complete, whole person to really love and overly needy people cannot do it. Real love is balanced. Both partners love in fairly equal amounts. While the balance may shift back and forth, it is not lopsided. If you love someone who is not loving your back, or not loving you the way you love them, then it’s not real.

When you place expectations on people to fill your empty places, that is not healthy. It’s nice to have a partner, a companion, someone to help you weather life’s storms, but it is not okay to look for someone to complete you or fix your broken places. That is not real love; that is dependence, co-dependence, and unhealthy neediness.

Real love does not play games, cause us to lose sleep, friends, jobs, money, time and value in our lives. Real love is an enlarging and not a narrowing experience. And finally, real love does exist. But it is true that in order to find the right person, you need to be the right person.

To be the right person you have to do your work, examine your failed relationships and, find the patterns. Go to counselling if you have historical issues. Find out why you are attracted to a certain type that is not good for you. And, at the same time, build your life so that you are an independent, interesting, and attractive person. You will attract other independent, interesting, and attractive people who are capable of good and loving relationships.

As I say over and over again, water seeks its own level. If you are attracting and attracted to unhealthy and dysfunctional, you are unhealthy and dysfunctional. Do your work so that real love and lasting love has a chance to walk in.

Know you what it is to be a child?… it is to believe in belief



Know you what it is to be a child?… it is
to believe in belief….
– Francis Thompson, 19th c. British poet

We don’t forget our first ah-ha experience any more than we forget our first kiss. The difference is we have some idea of what to expect from a kiss, but we don’t know what to make of an enlightening incident. The experience lingers in memory as something special, but since we can’t account for it, we’re apt to keep it to ourselves.

Only in my thirties did I realize that an experience I’d had in my teens was the analogue of that first kiss. About six years after discovering that our third grade science book contained mistakes, it struck me that anything could be wrong. There were no infallible truths, no ultimate explanations.

In high school we were learning that science theories and models were not to be regarded as absolute truths, but rather taken to be useful descriptions that might someday be replaced with better ones. I accepted this way of holding scientific truth—it didn't seem to undercut its usefulness. But I still wanted to believe there were absolute, moral truths, not mere assumptions, but unimpeachable, eternal verities. My mother certainly acted as if there were.

But one day, alone in my bedroom, I had the premonition that what was true of science applied to beliefs of every sort. I realized that, as in science, political, moral, or personal convictions could be questioned and might need amending or qualifying in certain circumstances. The feeling reminded me of consulting a dictionary and realizing that there are no final definitions, only cross references. I remember exactly where I was standing, and how it felt, when I discovered there was no place to stand, nothing to hold on to. I felt sobered, yet at the same time, strangely liberated. After all, if there were no absolutes, then there might be an escape from what often seemed to me to be a confining social conformity.With this revelation, my hopes for definitive, immutable solutions to life’s problems dimmed. I shared my experience of unbelief with no one at the time, knowing that I couldn't explain myself and fearing others’ mockery. I decided that to function in society I would have to pretend to go along with the prevailing consensus—at least until I could come up with something better. For decades afterwards, without understanding why, I was drawn to people and ideas that expanded my premonition of a world-view grounded not on immutable beliefs, but rather on a process of continually improving our best working assumptions.Science Models EvolveIt’s the essence of models that they’re works in progress. While nothing could be more obvious—after all, models are all just figments of our fallible imaginations—the idea that models can change, and should be expected to yield their place of privilege to better ones, has been surprisingly hard to impart.Until relatively recently we seem to have preferred to stick to what we know—or think we know—no matter the consequences. Rather than judge for ourselves, we’ve been ready to defer to existing authority and subscribe to received “wisdom.” Perhaps this is because of a premium put on not “upsetting the apple cart” during a period in human history when an upright apple cart was of more importance to group cohesiveness and survival than the fact that the cart was full of rotten apples.
Ironically, our principal heroes, saints and geniuses alike, have typically spilled a lot of apples. Very often they are people who have championed a truth that contradicts the official line.A turning point in the history of human understanding came in the seventeenth century when one such figure, the English physician William Harvey, discovered that the blood circulates through the body. His plea—“I appeal to your own eyes as my witness and judge”—was revolutionary at a time when physicians looked not to their own experience but rather accepted on faith the Greek view that blood was made in the liver and consumed as fuel by the body. The idea that dogma be subordinated to the actual experience of the individual seemed audacious at the time.Another milestone was the shift from the geocentric (or Ptolemaic) model (named after the first-century Egyptian astronomer Ptolemy) to the heliocentric model (or Copernican) model (after the sixteenth-century Polish astronomer Copernicus, who is regarded by many as the father of modern science).Until five centuries ago, it was an article of faith that the sun, the stars, and the planets revolved around the earth, which lay motionless at the centre of the universe. When the Italian scientist Galileo embraced the Copernican model, which held that the earth and other planets revolve around the sun, he was contradicting the teaching of the Church. This was considered sacrilegious and, under threat of torture, he was forced to recant. He spent the rest of his life under house arrest, making further astronomical discoveries and writing books for posterity. In 1992, Pope John Paul II acknowledged that the Roman Catholic Church had erred in condemning Galileo for asserting that the Earth revolves around the Sun.
The Galileo affair was really an argument about whether models should be allowed to change without the Church’s consent. Those in positions of authority often deem acceptance of their beliefs, and with that the acceptance of their role as arbiters of beliefs, to be more important than the potential benefits of moving on to a better model. For example, the discovery of seashells on mountaintops and fossil evidence of extinct species undermined theological doctrine that the world and all living things were a mere six thousand years old. Such discoveries posed a serious challenge to the Church’s monopoly on truth.Typically, new models do not render old ones useless, they simply circumscribe their domains of validity, unveiling and accounting for altogether new phenomena that lie beyond the scope of the old models. Thus, relativity and quantum theory do not render Newton’s laws of motion obsolete. NASA has no need for the refinements of quantum or relativistic mechanics in calculating the flight paths of space vehicles. The accuracy afforded by Newton’s laws suffices for its purposes.Some think that truths that aren't absolute and immutable disqualify themselves as truths. But just because models change doesn't mean that anything goes. At any given time, what “goes” is precisely the most accurate model we've got. One simply has to be alert to the fact that our current model may be superseded by an even better one tomorrow. It’s precisely this built-in scepticism that gives science its power.Most scientists are excited when they find a persistent discrepancy between their latest model and empirical data. They know that such deviations signal the existence of hitherto unknown realms in which new phenomena may be discovered. The presumption that nature models are infallible has been replaced with the humbling expectation that their common destiny is to be replaced by more comprehensive and accurate ones.Toward the end of the nineteenth century, many physicists believed they’d learned all there was to know about the workings of the universe. The consensus was that between Newton’s dynamics and Maxwell’s electromagnetism we had everything covered. Prominent scientists solemnly announced the end of physics.There is nothing new to be discovered in physics now. All that remains is more and more precise measurement.– Lord Kelvin (1900)
Then a few tiny discrepancies between theory and experiment were noted and as scientists explored them, they came upon the previously hidden realm of atomic and relativistic physics, and with it technologies that have put their stamp on the twentieth century.
Albert Einstein believed that the final resting place of every theory is as a special case of a broader one. Indeed, he spent the last decades of his life searching for a unified theory that would have transcended the discoveries he made as a young man. The quest for such a grand unifying theory goes on.

Being and Flowing is a good place to begin Healing Your Thoughts.

 The first part of the Being and Flowing Sequence is a basic relaxation session where some (or several) of the techniques of guided imagery or meditation can be used. In fact, for this type of relaxation, you can use new techniques or techniques that are familiar to you and that have worked for you in the past. If you do the sequence regularly, you can switch between techniques if you like.

One caveat: We find that general medical/therapy techniques, specifically those that are not associated with a particular spiritual path, work best for the Being and Flowing meditation in this context. (We link to some general relaxation techniques from the University of Maryland Medical Center, below).

Being and Flowing First Step: Basic Relaxation Session

One: Position

If you are outdoors, find a quiet, safe place in a garden, park, beach or woods. Remember, safety comes first. If you are indoors, find a place where you won’t be disturbed. Sit on a floor cushion or in a chair with your feet on the floor, or lie down in a comfortable position. Whatever position you choose, try to remember, you might choose not to move or shift while being and flowing, so make sure it’s really comfortable.

Two: Watch Your Thoughts

Once you are comfortable, the first thing to keep in mind: Don’t worry about your thoughts. Allow them to come and go as they wish. Give them their freedom to come and go as they like. Don’t try to control them. Just observe them.

Three: Watch Your Breath

Don’t try to control your breathing. Just observe your breath. If you are familiar with breathing techniques and want to try them, you could, but to forge a new path it’s sometimes good to let go and experience non-familiar meditative pathways.

Four: No Goal

If you feel stressed or anxious, remember: there is no goal here. Just passively watch where your thoughts and breath take you. If after a few tries anxiety (or boredom, which can be a symptom of anxiety during meditation) feels overpowering, take a break.

Five: Far Away

At some point, your thoughts may seem to “melt away”. They may feel far away; you know they’re there, but they don’t seem to touch you, or you don’t really touch them. There is a gulf between you and your thoughts, including your less-than-helpful ones. When they are so far away, their ability to control you is greatly diminished.

Help!

If you need help we recommend you try music. We really like (and recommend) Dr. Harry Henshaw’s relaxation music. (Last year, we interviewed him, here.)

Dr. Henshaw’s audio tracks of free-floating music are really de-stressing. We can best describe them as providing a musical pathway on which your thoughts can flow. His music doesn’t restrain or confine your thoughts as much as gently supports them. We really liked the ones on these pages; so far, we’ve sampled the uplifting music of Clarity, the gentle vibrato of Cosmic Reflection, the sweet tones of Equilibrium and the progressions of Inner Peace.*

If you want more concrete help the techniques of progressive relaxation (and toe tensing) can be very helpful. The University of Maryland Medical Center has clearly outlined them. They recommend the techniques for sleep disorders, but they are also helpful for tension and anxiety. One quibble: they don’t mention that slightly tensing each area of the body (not just the toes) before you relax that part, can be even a more powerful path to relaxation.

We’ve made our own relaxation recordings at home. We record our soft, slow voices giving a step-by-step progressive relaxation session. You might enjoy making your own recordings, too.

Being and Flowing Second Step: Journal

If you are in therapy, or even if you’re not, it’s a good idea to do a Being and Flowing journal. Some people like to share this with their therapist, others don’t. It’s up to you.

You might consider doing an audio or video recording if you don’t like to write. Writing or otherwise recording your general experience with your relaxation session, is a good starting point. Then, if you like, continue to write or otherwise comment on your experience of your thinking process. What were your thoughts? Were you able to let them drift by? Did any thoughts “stick” more than others? Did new thoughts, thoughts you never “thought” before, pop up?

Also, you might explore the self that observed the thoughts. And so on. If you don’t like to write and don’t want to do an audio or video recording, you can try illustrating your experience by drawing, painting, collage (found objects, fabric, and so on), photography, etc.

Once you have a sense of Being and Flowing, you’ll might find yourself being able to step back, even in a non-relaxing session, from your thoughts that are not beneficial. You might find it easier to dispassionately examine your thoughts (and beliefs, which are a type of thought often mingled with emotion) and see if they are really beneficial to you.

In fact, a very important, even central, part of therapy is examining thoughts and beliefs that hamper or are openly damaging to: your personal growth, relationships, mental health, and physical health. Therapy, in part, teaches you how to “rethink” things, even changing your most closely held beliefs, if they don’t serve your growth. Healing your thoughts is central to healing your life.

How do you treat yourself

How do you treat yourself? How should you treat yourself? What should you think about yourself? How should you feel about yourself? Well..... how do you treat your best friend? What do you think about them? How do you feel about them? Now take that and multiply it by 10, multiply it by 100. Imagine how you would feel about somebody you were completely in love with, that you loved more than life itself, but it was an unconditional, open, free, healthy love, and not a needy, posessive, jealous, conditional love. Your eyes are wide open and you see all their faults and yet you love them despite their faults, perhaps because of them. Now perhaps you are getting close to how you should feel about yourself..........Simon Meadowcroft

Smokers could one day be immunised against nicotine so they gain no pleasure from the habit, according to researchers in the US.

They have devised a vaccine that floods the body with an antibody to assault nicotine entering the body.

A study in mice, published in Science Translational Medicine, showed levels of the chemical in the brain were reduced by 85% after vaccination.

Years of research are still needed before it could be tested on people.

However, lead researcher Prof Ronald Crystal is convinced there will be benefits.

"As far as we can see, the best way to treat chronic nicotine addiction from smoking is to have these Pacman-like antibodies on patrol, clearing the blood as needed before nicotine can have any biological effect."

New approach

Other "smoking vaccines" have been developed that train the immune system to produce antibodies that bind to nicotine - it is the same method used to vaccinate against diseases. The challenge has been to produce enough antibodies to stop the drug entering the brain and delivering its pleasurable hit.

Scientists at Weill Cornell Medical College have used a completely different approach, a gene-therapy vaccine, which they say is more promising.

Continue reading the main story

“Start Quote

If they start smoking again, they will receive no pleasure from it due to the nicotine vaccine, and that can help them kick the habit”

Prof Ronald CrystalWeill Cornell Medical College

A genetically modified virus containing the instructions for making nicotine antibodies is used to infect the liver. This turns the organ into a factory producing the antibodies.

The research team compared the amount of nicotine in the brains of normal mice with those that had been immunised. After being injected with nicotine, the vaccinated mice had nicotine levels 85% lower.

It is not known if this could be repeated in humans or if this level of reduction would be enough to help people quit.

Prof Crystal said that if such a vaccine could be developed then people "will know if they start smoking again, they will receive no pleasure from it due to the nicotine vaccine, and that can help them kick the habit".

He added: "We are very hopeful that this kind of vaccine strategy can finally help the millions of smokers who have tried to stop, exhausting all the methods on the market today, but find their nicotine addiction to be strong enough to overcome these current approaches."

'Impressive and intriguing'

There are also issues around the safety of gene therapy in humans that will need to be answered.

Professor of genetics at the University of Kent, Darren Griffin, said the findings were "impressive and intriguing with great potential" but cautioned there were still many issues which needed addressing.

He said the main issue "is whether the observed biochemical effects in lab mice genuinely translate to a reduced addiction in humans given that such addictions can be both physical and psychological".

Dr Simon Waddington, from University College London, said: "The technology underpinning gene therapy is improving all the time and it is encouraging to see these preliminary results that indicate it could be used to address nicotine addiction, which is damaging to the nation's health and a drain on the health service economy."

If such a vaccine was developed it could also raise ethical questions about vaccinating people, possibly in childhood, before they even started smoking.

Coke and Pepsi contain tiny traces of alcohol, reveals French research

Coca-Cola and Pepsi contain minute traces of alcohol, scientific research published in France has revealed. The revelation will cause concern among those who chose the carbonated soft drink for religious, health or safety reasons. According to tests carried out by the Paris-based National Institute of Consumption (INC) more than half of leading colas contain the traces of alcohol. Can't beat the real thing: The revelation will cause concern among those who chose the carbonated soft drink for religious, health or safety reasons These include the brand leaders Coca-Cola and Pepsi Cola, while it is mainly only cheap supermarket versions of the drink which are alcohol-free. ‘60 Million Consumers’, the French magazine, publishes the results of the tests in its latest issue. They suggest that the alcohol levels are as low as 10mg in every litre, and this works out at around 0.001 per cent alcohol.

Thursday 21 June 2012

You hear the 12 steps in the way that AA's founders intended them to be heard

Disclaimer. Our materials are intended for entertainment purposes only. We are not doctors or professionals. This website does not offer, and we do not purport to offer, any medical, psychological, therapeutic, religious, or other professional advice to users. PLEASE SEEK THE ADVICE OF COUNSELING OR ADDICTION PROFESSIONALS as appropriate, regarding the evaluation of any specific information, opinions, advice, suggestions or other content. Non Affiliation. We are not affiliated with Alcoholics Anonymous or any other so called “12 Step” program.


Should You Do All 12 Steps in A Single Month?

Tackling all 12 steps in a single month may seem a tad excessive to some. But for a growing group of AA purists, Back to Basics has practically become gospel. 

Step Up: A program for purists, founded in AA's earliest days Thinkstock
Melissa, an attractive brunette in her seventh year of recovery, was “struggling but just about two weeks sober” when a friend took her to her firstBack to Basics meeting in the basement of a Los Angeles church. “I didn’t know what I was in for,” she recalls. “At the time, I didn’t really know about AA. I knew virtually nothing about the steps to sobriety that are outlined in AA's Big Book. But in less than a month, a sponsor sped me through all 12 steps and I felt a lot better. Since then I've gone through them twice more, and I have a lot more insight into how and why they work. But in the beginning, all I knew was that they were working, and that was enough for me.”
Back in the '40s, when Bill Wilson and Dr. Bob first published AA's Big Book, they encouraged their follow alcoholics to speed through all 12 steps during their first 30 days of sobriety. "Most alcoholics don't respond well to over-thinking," Wilson said. But finding a Higher Power, admitting all your flaws and apologizing to everyone you've hurt during your wasted past is often a painful process for even the most committed Big Bookers, who sometimes take months or years to complete the steps. But in ensuing years, Bill W.'s basic prescription has fallen out of favor with the AA establishment. Indeed, it was practically forgotten until an Alcoholics Anonymous archivist named Wally P, who was writing a history of AA intergroup, stumbled across notes that AA-er's had taken at some early meetings. “As I was writing that story, I kept running across the beginners meetings that were being conducted in the earliest days of AA,” he remembers. “I knew nothing about them, but I kept copies of those notes. And after I wrote the Intergroup book, those notes formed the basis of Back to Basics, which was published in 1997.”
 Back to Basics urges alcoholics to complete all of AA's 12 steps in sixteen hour-long sessions a month. Not everyone approves.
As Wally explains, Back to Basics is a reenactment of Bill W's early vision for the fellowship. “The format is basically four one-hour sessions a week for four weeks in which people take all 12 steps. It’s not a step study because the book says the steps we ‘took,’ not the steps we sat around and talked about. We don’t just 'study' these steps—we take them.”
While some newcomers may find the process a bit overwhelming, Melissa says that Back to Basics was exactly what she needed. “I really had no idea what was going on but each week, my mind became clearer,” she explains. “We started with steps one through three, then we did four and five, and then we made our amends list and went out and did our amends. After that, we went through 10 through 12. It wasn't always easy, but I thought if [AA co-founder] Dr. Bob could do 12 steps in one day, I could do them in one month.”
“In the 1970s, a lot of people forgot how to do the steps, especially in a group—even though fellowship is one of the reasons AA has historically been so successful,” says Wally. “Back in the 1940s, people who came to AA had a 50-75% rate of recovery. The success rates have gone down ever since. But since Back to Basics came out in 1997, over 500,000 people have been through the program. Hundreds and thousands more accessed it via Narcotics Anonymous, Cocaine Anonymous, Sex Addicts Anonymous, and other 12-step groups.” 
“I was first introduced to the book when I was 12 years sober," says Steven F., an enthusiastic proponent of Back to Basics. "Before that, I had a pretty good life in AA. I was getting all thepromises, but there was something missing in my life, and I didn’t really know what it was. Then one day I turned up at this meeting, and someone handed me a book that laid out a 30-day path to recovery. At that time, the whole concept was very controversial in most  AA circles. Even now, most of what you hear in the rooms is people’s opinions. Everyone has different ideas about how quickly or slowly you're supposed to work the steps. The prevailing idea these days is that you work the steps when you’re ready. But when I started reading this book, I began to realize that back in AA's earliest days, there was a much greater sense of urgency and a greater rate of success.”
“I like to look at it in terms of a hospital,” says Wally. “If someone comes into the emergency room, bleeding profusely as the result of being in a knife fight, the doctor doesn’t give you a book and send you home. He puts you in a tourniquet, someone else sutures up the wound, and someone else gets you ready to go home. As I see it, Back to Basics is the tourniquet and then you go home and you take the steps again and again and again.”
When Steven was deciding that he would see how effective the Back to Basics tourniquet was, he asked a couple of people if they would go through it with him. “These guys didn’t know each other but they had all been in and out for years,” he recalls. “Before Back to Basics, nobody had ever told them how simple this program was. But this time, they did the work and they did it quickly, and the next month they did it again, and what was most miraculous was that all three guys were sober and working with others within 90 days. And 14 years later, those guys are all still sober today.”
Louise—a personal assistant from San Francisco who still looks like the punk rocker she once was—discovered Back to Basics late in her life, but the experience forever altered her recovery. “It was like that feeling when you first go to AA and you realize that you don’t have to do it by yourself,” she says about her first Back to Basics foray. “There is so much energy when people come together. Though I had worked the steps already, I thought it was good to go through them over and over because as you stay sober, more stuff come up. It’s like why people go to church every Sunday—it really reinforces how you can use the steps on a daily basis in your life.”
For Wally, seeing Back to Basics grow from a book about fellowship into a program for recovery has been one of the great joys of his own sobriety. And the rewards keep coming: a Virginia prison program recently implemented the Back to Basics structure. “They started with 12 sober beds in a sober pod and now they have 400 sober beds in a sober prison,” Wally marvels. “I call it shock therapy—it’s a diversion contract. You have to sign an agreement when you have one year left on your sentence that you will participate in four sessions a week, wherein you go through the steps each week, for 26 weeks, followed by a 26-week Big Book study. When they are released, they know as much about recovery as anyone. Then, as part of the contract, they have to come back to the prison for a year after their release to sponsor other men. Since the program began, the recidivism rate at that prison was lowered from 70 to 15%.”
Louise has seen similar changes in her life—but she admits that real change happens only for the willing. “I think it goes back to the idea that if somebody’s ready, everything will work, and if they’re not ready, nothing will work,” she says. “I saw a lot of people come in that were desperate and I could see how working the steps so quickly gave them relief, but I also could tell who was there to get sober and who was doing it for another reason—the courts or somebody else or maybe they did want to get sober but hadn’t really surrendered. It’s kind of hard to hide that stuff when you’re doing it in a group. Its easier to hide in the rooms—you can mask it—but when you’re intensely going through this process with a group of people, its difficult to hide how committed you are.”
According to Steven, that's what makes Back to Basics so effective. “It’s a very powerful meeting," he says. "You hear the 12 steps in the way that AA's founders intended them to be heard. People forget that like most diseases, alcoholism has several stages. Some people who enter the program are still at stage one—they can’t stop drinking but it’s easier for them to surrender. But you also meet many people who are struggling through stage four of this illness—and they need a much quicker solution. Either way, it all comes back to one simple fact: AA doesn't simply teach you how to stop drinking; it teaches you how to live your life.”

Dangers of Arrogance in Recovery

The Dangers of Arrogance in Recovery Arrogance can be a dangerous character trait for people in recovery because: If people are arrogant, they will be less likely to admit that they need help. 

Recovering from addiction can be hard to achieve with making use of available resources. By refusing to admit that they need assistance the individual is giving themselves a serious handicap in their attempt to escape addiction. 

Arrogant people tend to be poor learners. They already act as if they know all the answers. In order to build a successful life away from addiction, the individual needs to be constantly learning. If this does not happen they are unlikely to find success. If people are arrogant they will be far more likely to relapse. 

Their feelings of superiority will prevent them from admitting that their recovery is in danger. They may not even be able to admit this to themselves. 

Arrogant people in recovery will often find themselves dealing with dry drunk syndrome. Their life away from addiction is not very satisfying but they just hang on in there. They are likely to view their time away from alcohol and drugs as being similar to serving a prison sentence. Such individuals will tend to be full of anger and resentment because their life in recovery is so unsatisfying. It can be hard for arrogant people to make friends in recovery. This is because their boorish attitude tends to rub other people up the wrong way. 

Loneliness can be a dangerous emotion for people in recovery. It can easily lead the individual back to their addiction. In order to get the most out of life in recovery the individual needs to develop emotional sobriety. 

This will not occur while the individual has an arrogant attitude. Arrogant people tend to appear rude to other people. This means that such individuals will frequently find themselves in confrontational situations. Regularly bumping heads with others can cause a great deal of stress in life.

COMFORT EATING IN RECOVERY


The Challenges of Recovery


Walking away from an addiction is a challenge. In order to build a successful recovery the individual will need to make many changes in their life. It tends to be an emotional time. To add to the challenge the individual will no longer be able to turn to substance abuse for solace. Even when the individual is firmly established in recovery, they will still have difficult emotions to contend with. Life is full of ups and downs for everyone and nobody gets a free ride. One way that people deal with negative emotions in recovery is by comfort eating.
Comfort Eating Defined

Comfort eating is also sometimes referred to as emotional eating or feeding your feelings. It occurs when people eat because of their emotions and not because of hunger. It is believed to be the main reason why people overeat and so is one of the main driving forces behind obesity. This type of behavior is believed to originate in childhood when biscuits and other treats are used as a way to deal with unpleasant events. People develop the association between food and comfort so they continue to engage in the behavior as away to deal with uncomfortable emotions in adulthood.
Comfort Foods

When people are eating for comfort they will tend to turn to certain types of food. Individuals will have their own preferences, but it will often be food that they enjoyed as children. For example, in the US it has been found that females tend to prefer snacks such as chocolate or ice cream, while men turn to hearty meals such as steak or casserole. Many people will turn to junk food when they are battling with their emotions. This means that these comfort foods can be damaging to health if the individual relies on them too frequently.
Triggers for Comfort Eating

The most common triggers for emotional eating include:
Loneliness
Anger
Depression
Stress
Anger
Relationship problems
Boredom
Frustration
Difficult or uncomfortable situations
Negativity of fear of failure
Dangers of Emotional Eating

A good diet is vital for physical and mental well-being. There are a number of reasons why emotional eating can be dangerous including:
It causes people to become overweight. They are likely to be consuming a lot more calories than their body needs and this will accumulate as fat.
It may lead to nutritional deficiencies. If people are eating a lot of junk food then this may mean that they are missing out on important nutrients. A balanced diet is crucial for good health.
It can lead to sickness and disease. Being overweight is a contributing factor in many conditions such as diabetes and heart disease.
It damages self-esteem. If people are piling on the pounds it can be the source of embarrassment. They may feel less good about themselves which could lead to further comfort eating.
It is a way to avoid problems. It is common for people to turn to comfort foods as a way to hide from things that make them feel uncomfortable. If they do not face these challenges they remain unresolved.
Comfort Eating in Recovery

Those who have walked away from an addiction can be particularly at risk of turning to food as a way of dealing with their emotions. The first few months and years of sobriety can be like an emotional rollercoaster so the temptation to turn to food may be high. This individual can justify such behavior with the rationalization that they are better turning to food than returning to substance abuse.

The problem is that comfort eating is not a harmless activity. It can lead to health problems and interfere with the ability of people to fully enjoy recovery. It also usually means that they are running away from their problems, and this can be highly dangerous for people in recovery. Such behavior can be associated with the relapse process. Occasionally turning to food as a source of comfort is relatively harmless, but if people are doing this all the time in recovery it may spell danger.
How to Avoid Overeating Due to Comfort Eating

There are a number or things that people can do if they want to avoid overeating as a way to deal with emotions including:
Mindful eating is a type of meditation technique where people pay closer attention to the triggers for why they eat. This allows them to build a new relationship with food that will be far healthier.
By developing effective coping strategies for dealing with uncomfortable emotions the individual will no longer feels the urge to turn to food so much. This could involve going for a walk or journaling.
Talking to other people is an excellent way of releasing pent up emotional energy. Things can appear a lot different when they have been talked about openly. Those who are in recovery groupscan talk about their problems at meetings or speak to their sponsor.
Facing the root cause of the emotional discomfort is something that will need to be done in order to get past it. In a lot of cases the cause might not be so obvious. As people progress in recovery they tend to get better at working out their emotional triggers. This can be difficult for people in early recovery.

Alcoholism is a Threefold Disease

Three Aspects of Alcoholism Individuals who are dealing with alcoholism will have plenty of problems in their life. 

It is to describe how their addiction impacts their life by dividing it into three types of damage: 

Alcoholism will damage people physically. Their health will tend to be poor. Even those who have only been abusing alcohol or a short period of time may already be experiencing the early stages of alcohol liver disease. 

Alcohol is a dangerous toxin and can destroy almost every organ in the body. *_Alcoholism will damage people mentally_. This type of substance abuse tends to have a devastating impact on mental health. It can cause people to develop mental health problems such as depression or anxiety. 

Those individuals who turned to alcohol to self-medicate their existent mental health problems will find that their symptoms are exacerbated. 

Alcoholism will damage people spiritually. Talk of spirituality usually conjures up images of religion, but there is more to it than that. Even non-believers can be said to have spiritual needs in reference to those things that give life meaning. This could include belief in a god or just wonder at the miraculous universe. Addicts often describe how they feel as having a hole in their soul. This is because their spiritual needs are not being catered for because of their alcoholism.Related articles
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Dissociation Anonymous: Filling the Void - My Angel


I have felt worthless and a failure and a shameful creature and I have felt that I should be punished and unworthy of love or care from others or myself.

I have felt the void of nothingness in me the hole in my soul

I have been to the deepest depths and back again many times and have known the deepest of depression and many times have felt like ending it all.

I have felt unworthy .

But through my darkest hours I tried to help others, and step by little step I became aware of a tiny shining light within me. The more I loved others and had compassion in my heart the stronger that light became until it now shines brightly in all that I do and is finally driving back the darkness of the void.

You my friend also have a little shining light and I can see it even though you may be oblivious of it, and if you continue to give your love and support to others and in turn let them nourish you with their love and support for you then your light will also become brighter.

We all need to be accepted we all need to be loved we all need to know that there is nothing inherently wrong with us and when we look deep within we will find our personal salvation and it will set us free.
I always wanted my guardian angel but now I realise she was there all the time inside me, part of me my own true child within.

The World Health Organisation deems bipolar the sixth main cause of disability for people aged 15-44. In children, the diagnosis has increased by over 400%.

Display of pharmacy shelving in UK pharmacy


'It was precisely when patents ran out on the big-selling tricyclic antidepressants in the mid-90s that bipolar suddenly became the recipient of Big Pharma marketing budgets.' Photograph: Alamy


Discussion this week about appalling cuts to mental health services focused on the diagnostic categories "depression" and "anxiety". Though there are good reasons to question and critique the use of these terms, they have drawn attention away from a major redrafting of diagnostic and prescription trends. While it is claimed that up to one in four people will suffer from depression at some point, over 25% of these subjects are now likely to receive a diagnosis not of depression but of bipolar disorder.

In the early 20th century the prevalence of manic depression was put at less than 1% of the population, but this figure exploded with the ramification of the bipolar categories. If bipolar 1 was often equated with classical manic depression, bipolar 2 lowered the threshold dramatically, requiring merely one depressive episode and one period of increased productivity, inflated self-esteem and reduced need for sleep.

Bipolar 2 and a half, 3, 3 and a half, 4, 5 and 6 soon followed. Today there is even "soft bipolar", which means a patient "responds strongly to losses". The World Health Organisation deems bipolar the sixth main cause of disability for people aged 15-44. In children, the diagnosis has increased by over 400%.

Historians of psychiatry have all made the same observation: it was precisely when patents ran out on the big-selling tricyclic antidepressants in the mid-90s that bipolar suddenly became the recipient of Big Pharma marketing budgets. Websites helped people to diagnose themselves; articles and supplements appeared all referring to bipolar as if it were a fact; and nearly all of these were funded by the industry.

Of course, the rabbit in the hat here was that the anticonvulsant sodium valproate received a patent for use on mania at exactly this time. Just as depression had been marketed as a disorder by those who purveyed a chemical cure for it, so bipolar was packaged and sold along with its remedy.

The irony is that in cases where antidepressant drugs clearly didn't work, it was now claimed that this was due to the fact that they had been wrongly prescribed: the patients were actually bipolar, yet the subtle mood changes had been missed by the prescribing doctor. As thepsychiatrist David Healy points out, rather than trying to make better antidepressants, the industry opted to market a new brand.

A category – bipolar 3 – was even invented to designate those whose bipolarity had been revealed by antidepressants. The drugs intensified manic states, thus showing the true diagnosis and indicating that a new mood-stabilising medication be taken.

Many people have found valproate helpful, just as many feel that they owe their life to the right dose of lithium, but the problem here is that once again psychiatry is in danger of forgetting its history. Manic depression is not the same thing as bipolar, and the multiplication of bipolar diagnoses weakens and obscures the pertinence of the old category, turning regular variations in human moods into pathology.

When swings from mania to depressive states are serious and acute, medication is often helpful; but the early long-term studies tended to agree that manic depression can get better and that many people who experience an episode or a few are not doomed to spend their lives in its thrall. It has been argued, indeed, that recovery rates in the pre-drug era were better than today.

Yet doctors often feel safer encouraging patients who report mood swings to go on long-term and even lifelong medication. The same drugs that were once sold to temper the manic episode are now rebranded as prophylactics, necessary not to treat the episode but to stop it happening again. Is it an accident that compliance rates for those diagnosed with bipolar are the lowest for any so-called mental disorder?

A conference this weekend will examine this remarkable shift, and the legitimacy of the bipolar diagnosis. Like depression, this is a category that requires rethinking. Manic states can occur in any kind of mental structure, and a focus is needed on what early psychiatrists saw as central to manic depression: the flight of ideas, where one thought leads to another ferociously and incessantly; the need to communicate with others and share with them; the sudden ability to joke, pun and make repartee; and the ubiquitous spending sprees and business ventures of the manic subject.

Why in the depressive state does the world seem to offer so little, yet in the manic episode offer so much? Why the swing from "I've got nothing" to "I can buy anything"? Why the strange guilt and efforts towards reparation seen in the generosity and gift-giving of many manic episodes? And why the famous cycling of manic and depressive states?

However helpful a drug may be, these are questions no drug can answer.